I have not blogged. When I went to Chautauqua, there’d been a number of people who’d strongly suggested I blog. I resisted. I part because I was fearful and unsure of what I would say. I mostly wanted to whine, and complain, and grouse and curse, and who would want to listen to that, especially from a kid’s writer and illustrator? So I didn’t blog, until my friend Margo built a blog for me in anticipation to our collaboration. During the first of the three computer crashes of last year, I lost the blog, and couldn’t access it. Which was a shame, because the people at Chautauqua, Patty Gauch, Peter Jacobi, Pat McKissack among them had been absolutely right, I LOVED it and it helped so much. But then I was about making it mostly about the work and only slightly about the gripes.
I’ve had grand plans to make this, WordPress work, but have let my financial situation (I can’t maintain much of anything as I have no steady income at the moment) and my lack of focus and confidence get to me. So the best has been spotty offerings. Because the launch of my second book, one that I’m proud of was less than stellar, and yet again, there’s been a round of people dying close to me, I slipped from having set goals and working every day to achieve them to just descending into wandering the meander in my head.
It’s spring. I DID accomplish getting my book written, illustrated, published in the time frame I needed. I may not have accomplished what I wanted to exactly, when exactly. But I DID, and that’s freakin’ life. Hey, I knew that, so pick it up and dust yourself off and get on with it.
I need to get a trailer done this month (new technology) and a new website designed (new technology AGAIN), and uploaded, before the end of the month when my old website becomes DEFUNCT. I can whine or I can get on with it. Time to get on with it. In the end it’s about doing or not doing it. Sometimes you do it and really sucks. It smells de-functy. But most of the time, it’s more like what just happens, frustrating, not expected, surprising often, but ultimately worthy doing what needs to be done, and having something to show for it. Yep, that’s what I’m telling myself until I finish the next two goals.
For breaks I have a bunch of writings, and some drawings for colored books I want to intersperse with the no doubt frustrations. To show I’m serious, I posted the next whine, er blog post, I’d been avoiding, because it’s time to not avoid, and just get on with it. Once I get the website and trailer up, I will also take on the past challenge of a new blog header that I’d done with the lost site– embrace what you fear, and embrace what you love.. And all this means jumping on the horse I’m avoiding, and riding it down the new paths, and perhaps grazing a little bit until I reach the new destinations.